Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
