Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
