Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
