woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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