I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
