So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
