it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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