I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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