I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
