tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
my poor anus
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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