So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
