You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
