i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
