so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
