I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
