We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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