This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
i think im in europe. pls send help
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize