that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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