i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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