you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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