I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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