i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
