If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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