im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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