Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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