And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
