hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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