I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
