i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
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