i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
