Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
