If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
