how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Randomize
