We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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