I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
