1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
