I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
