Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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