he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
