He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
