Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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