You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
