I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
