dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
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Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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