He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
