Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
well you can't waste a boner
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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