I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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