I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
