i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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