No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
