pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
