I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
