This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
porn star boner night. come get it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
