If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
