why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
