Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
