then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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